Spam & Mullets: Because who remembers the BAM?

GolferGirl

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Finally home. We left right after breakfast to the Scandinavian Spa where I almost did not want to leave. You get there and it is straight to the sauna, then massage, then pedicure and manicure and then another massage, a tanning bed and then a really long soak. I needed the massage, I think I pulled something in my ribs on Saturday but it is now gone away. Of course we drank too much. Mimosas, Champagne and then wine. I needed to to soak just to get the booze out of me. The food was ok, but too much fish. I mean it was good, but I got filled up too early. Poor Jos slipped on the side of the hot tub and landed on her backside. She got a pretty big booboo. I think she had 4 too many glases of a nice white wine they had.

Chris is a great mood. He said it was so great to have a quiet house, just him, his brother, the dogs and the cats. His brother spent most of the day in the music room banging on the drum kit that is Katja's. He said he got on a good sweat, probably better than ours. They made a nice dinner, pot roast with mushrooms and mashed red potatoes and creamed spinach. We get carrot cake during Game on Thrones. Chris says it is a Cersei thing. On a scale of 1 to 10, this was a 9 Mom's Day.
 

GolferGirl

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Chris likes to mess with me and this morning I was going to ride my Peloton and I usually play my music mix on my phone to get me going but Chris changed all my music. Never ever tell your husband your passwords. Anyway, I get some metal band from Holland instead of my usual riding music, mostly stuff like Supertramp or ELO, stuff that does not get me too fired up and blow up too soon. No, laughing boy puts on a band called Within Temptation. I have heard of them, I saw Wonder Woman, but I did not know they were wham, bam, metal band. The bad part, I got to liking them and once I heard the whole mix, I was okay. Damn, that girl has a great voice.

So, besides messing with me, laughing boy had the girls on his list. They left their laundry on the landing to the stairs and he almost fell over it. So, Katja found their laundry and baskets all over the backyard. Chris left a note on their fridge, Do your own damn laundry and do not leave it where I walk. When Katja got home, the first thing she asks is where is her laundry because she expected it to be folded, hung up and ready for her to put away. Chris told her to walk out the slider and collect it on the lawn. She started to get mad, I think she looked at Chris and she thought there was more in life she wanted to do. I thought it would be fun to listen to her outside and she still knows all of her Portuguese swear words. She started yelling outside and Chris started laughing. I think he does this stuff for shits and giggles.

I kind of think the next war is about to start. Chris has barricaded himself in his office, watching some Japanese cartoon about a girl who wears an eye patch and believes she is a witch. It is really stupid. I like the other ones he is watching right now. The one about the girl who cannot talk and just uses signs is adorable and the one about the guy who has a maid who is half fox is also cute. Well, I am going to sleep. Our bedroom might be the only safe place because Ally gets pissed when someone wakes her up.
 

GolferGirl

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Hi. I hate today a real lot but now I am just relieved. Just got everyone to go home except for the girls and Jill and Mikki. Anyway, Chris and Mikki were replacing a large piece of glass on one of Chris's display cabinets, after lunch, and one of them lost the grip on it and it hit Chris in the face. I hear a yell, run into his office and Chris has his hand over his eye and there is blood everywhere. Leave it to Mikki to be calm and tell me to get a towel and call for an ambulance. Me, I am wreck. Ambulance was there in like 5 minutes and they got him all bandaged up for the drive to the hospital. Lucky for Chris they could fix him. He just got a lot of glass in his eye but none really bad, but the 9 stitches in his cheek and the big gash on his forehead were scary. He is spending the night at McGill because they want to make sure his vision is not messed up. I thought I was bad, but here is my girl Dr. Paula Torgrimsson-Sadiq losing her shit in the ER when she shows up. Who knew she could cry like that? Honestly, they had to give her a drug to calm her down. There was a lot of blood and she thought he had lost his eye or something. It was so funny watching her apologize to the doctors and nurses in the ER later.

The one good thing, this got the Boy to come out here finally. He is flying here right now and he was all worried when I told him. Before we all went home, the little ones wanted to see Chris and Bayley called him a mummy, but Luc was frightened, so he stayed outside. Anyway, Tatianna is going to spend the night at the hospital, too, because she was really shook up and wants to make sure her best friend is ok. I would stay too, but I do not like hospitals. Chris gets to wear an eye patch for a couple weeks. I know he will be happy, he always wanted to be a pirate. The part that kind of makes me mad, both Chris and Mikki did not even get excited. It was like, Damn, I dropped the glass and Mikki said, think we should go to the hospital? I have to wonder what they were like as kids because if it was me, I would be screaming my head off. That bed is going to be really huge tonight. Wow, that was weird, that last line just got me to crying. Yes, I am an idiot.

Well, I cannot sleep right now so I am going to write about the weird friend things Chris and Tatianna do. They are always ripping on each other, the play pranks all the time on each other and it is like they are the worst friends in the world, but say something mean about Tatianna and Chris goes into angry mode and when me or the girls call Chris stupid, she gets all mad at us. I know they are best friends because I will go into Chris's office and both of them are sitting on his sofa in there and Tatianna usually has her head on his shoulder and they are always laughing about something. I think it is great because other than me and our family, I do not think Chris has a close friend but Tatianna. Sure, he has friends in Japan, but they are more like work buddies. This was funny, one of my friends told me I should worry about Tatianna and I told her those two would never do anything, they could not stop laughing at each other long enough to even get the scrabble board out. Besides, I know my husband and he may love the attention but he would never do anything stupid like that.

Well, enough of the late night stuff. I think I am going to see if Katja and Jos want company. Bed just is way too big and lonely tonight. God, I am pathetic.
 

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Ok, he is home. I guess hospitals are the same everywhere. They tell you are getting out at like 11 and he finally got out at 4. Tatianna is not happy. The morning nurse thought she was Chris's wife and Chris loved that. She said he even went with that story. The cut on his forehead is not too bad, just a bandage on it and a patch thing on his cheek, but he got Mikki to get him a bright red eye patch with rhinestones. I got there in time for them to change the dressing on his eye and it is scary. It is blood red and really kind of spooky. There is no white part of the eye now, it is all red. Of course, sickos like the Boy and Domi thought it was cool. Tatianna said she was going to puke. She also let me know Chris has gas at night. I told her, Really?

Chris has to just sit and relax. He is supposed to do almost nothing for the next 2 weeks until the cuts and stuff heal. That also means no showers, no scratching his eye, try not to watch too much tv or read with his one good eye. The first thing he says is we will starve because none of us wants to cook and for good reasons. I wanted to kick him but I will just keep a count and when he is 100% healthy, I am booting him for days. Oh yeah, we had to bring Tim Horton's because he promised donuts for the morning staff if they let him take a wheelchair out for a ride. For some stupid reason, he thinks wheelchairs are cool.

I will be honest, I am happy he is home. Scared away 5 years yesterday and I am getting old enough to start to worry. It is nice right now. everyone is here including the Boy and Domi and Paula, Thierry and the little ones. This is the way I always wanted it. One huge family in one house all the time. I know it would never work out but for a couple days I am happy. Even though Chris says it is too noisy, I am sure he is loving it too. Plus, he has got all the girls bringing him snacks and drinks and keeping him company and fighting over who gets to sit next to him on the sofa. If it was not so scary, I almost think he did it on purpose.
 

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It is not even 11 and I am dead tired. I am glad Chris is home but geez he is milking it. I had to wash his hair, he tried to talk me into giving him a French bath thing but he was enjoying that too much and then I had to make him breakfast and I did something easy, scrambled eggs and toast and he bitched. I know he is getting even with me because sometimes, a long time ago, I complained that the omelet he made me was too big. He never forgets anything. Now, he is listening to music, about all he can do, in his office and I am hoping he gives me some time for myself. I have not even had my shower and got dressed yet. OMG, he is blaring King Crimson. I swear, I am going to punch him in the neck. Fucking King Crimson, I want to die. It was so nice on Monday and Tuesday, he is playing Within Temptation, who I like and now he picks the band I wish would die in a fiery crash just to piss me off.

Later, I am going to put my foot to Tatianna's ass. She said she would help but because Domi and the Boy are here, they snuck out to go see the city in the morning. I think they expect me to make dinner tonight. I hope they like frozen lasagne because that is all I can do without setting the kitchen on fire. Maybe, I can sweet talk Katja and Paula to help and we can something better than frozen food or sandwiches. Hell with it, we are going out tonight. I will find a pirate hat for Chris and let him play one tonight. Knowing him, he will love that idea. WTF! He is on Amazon because I got an order confirmation. More damned books. Does he not know he is not supposed to read or anything for the next 2 weeks? I gotta go because I am going to yell at him. I am too old to have to deal with a 12 year old.
 

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Hi, tired again. I got Chris to go to dinner and we ended up at a Chinese place and it was really fun. I loved when the hostess said, Torgrimsson, party of 14. Yeah, that was us. It was a simple order, the dinner for a hundred. That is what is seemed like, we barely got through the soup before they started stacking serving dishes everywhere. Because Chris was paying, the Boy had to order crab legs and then just about everyone at the table said that sounded good, so like 10 orders of crab legs. Oh yeah, Chris went as a pirate down to the vest and fake parrot on his shoulder. I think he worried some people. He is really tall, long hair, red eye patch and pirate hat, then you got a parrot and he did the pirate talk. I was worried they would send him out, but the girls and the Boy were dying laughing. Poor hostess was thinking she might need to look for a new job. He even had them bring a chair for his hat and fake parrot. I just about died when he said Aye Matey, pass me the foil chicken to Andrew. Andrew was taking a drink and did a spit take on Tatianna.

Right now, I got him blindfolded and he is having the girls tell him whats going on on his programs on the TV. They are watching that adorable show about the homeless girl who is so sweet and saintlike and is living with three guys who turn into animals if you hug them. I watched it earlier with the Boy because in the opening the girl is like 6 and she is hugging her mom and everytime I see that scene, I start squirting out tears. I also got shown a show about a high school girl who's father writes pornos and she is like so prim and proper but she is in love with a classmate who she thinks just wants to play scrabble, but he is just as prim and proper as her and both misunderstand each other all the time. This one had them going to the beach and the girl's only friend makes her top fall off and the guy keeps on saying he will forget what he saw and the girl tried to bury herself in the sand. That is the thing about these shows, either they are super sweet or pervy. Ok, they are done watching it and now it is time for the show with no words about three high school girls and Chris says the girl who uses signs to talk is after that and that one I love because that girl is about the cutest thing ever.
 

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Chris says hi. He is bored. All he can really do is listen to music and books. He has a doctor visit tomorrow to check on the eye and make sure it is working. He said it itches and he bumps into things because he cannot figure out depth. Aim and fire is a problem too. TMI, but it is funny to hear him swear at 4 in the morning. I made him breakfast, a bowl of cereal and a banana. He said they are saving a place for me on the Food Network. That still makes me laugh 2 hours after I heard it. It is a lot warmer today but we already had a thunder storm and a lot of rain, but no one is wearing extra socks today. I am hoping he will buy me lunch because he wants to get out of here for a couple hours. Oh well, laters. He is saying a drive to the city is a good idea.
 

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I am a fool for the city! He dragged me to a Home Depot that I did not know even existed right near where we used to live. I got us lost twice because I am driving and I turned left instead of right too many times. He bought a nice refrigerator for his music room and seeing as how we were there I got new outside furniture in case it ever stops raining. Actually, I got the guy who designs backyard play spaces to sell me a bunch of tables, chairs and stuff. I got umbrellas and stuff too. Why not, even I can find something for me at a man's toy store. I got lunch out of the deal, a chili dog and bbq tator tots, something new on the menu at Chez Tousignant. They were good but messy. After that, I talked him into a Costco run because if I am cooking, I need frozen things I can make in the oven. He is going to make me cook but no one says it has to be good even though I love stuff like frozen Salisbury Steak and lasagne. He is back in his office, moping because I took away all of his unread books and told him if I hear the tv on I am going to hit him on his blind side. Told him we could stop by the bookstore for some books on cds but he would rather feel sorry for himself. I already caught him watching his Japanese cartoons on his computer with the headphones on, so I bonked him on the head with a wooden spoon. I am not having a husband who cannot drive me around because he cannot see.
 
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Sorry to read of the accident. Never a dull moment in the Torgrimmson household. Heal up Chris. Good luck with the cooking Mary. It sounds like it will be an eventful couple of weeks. I swear you guys should have a film crew in there doing a reality TV show.