Spam & Mullets: Because who remembers the BAM?

GolferGirl

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3 straight days of golfing and I am dead. I am glad we are going to take the day off from golfing tomorrow and visit an outlet mall. Today, I was a lot better. I was right around par for the first 16 holes but my last 2 tee shots really sucked and I finished +5. Chris almost beat me but he was great on the greens. But, he got killed by some of his tee shots. I think his first shot took out a bird or something because it sliced really late and almost ended up in a backyard. He tried to talk me into a drop and I told him to go get his ball and hit where it lies. He got back on the fairway in 2, so he should learn not to hit flying animals. We are back at our hotel and I am going to soak in the jacuzzi in a minute. It was not as warm today, I wore jeans and a sweater, but it is still way warmer than home.

The kids wanted us to go out to dinner with them which means you might get to eat outside but most of the places are packed, so you end up eating at the kids' house and have look out for their stupid lizards and hope the snakes stay in their tanks. They are breeding snakes. What kind of crazy shit is that? Is there even a market for baby snakes? Plus, they have 2 parrots who do not shut up and cuss all the time. They do have one nice cat, the other ones are assholes who hiss at me and Chris. The dogs are friendly and so is the fat little pig. They also have 2 pet chickens and I think it is ferrets. I only saw one of them last night and it scared the piss out of me because I thought it was a rat. Domi gets mice for the snakes and she feeds them to the snakes. I had to leave the snake room when that happened, I do not like mice but I like snakes less. They have 5 dogs. A husky, a malamute (I think I spelled it right) a Shiba Inu, a beagle and a black lab. They are the friendliest dogs and the black lab follows me around like a puppy. The Boy says bath day is a busy day. They do it every other Saturday at a pet food place that has a dog shower set up. The only thing that is bad is that every morning they run their robot vacuum cleaner and then they have to run it at night. One of their cats rides on the thing. They also have a cat who loves their toaster and tries to grab the toast out of it when it pops up. They also have a cat who likes to climb in their dryer and they have to check to make sure the cat is not in there because he took a couple spins and might have a broken screw in his head now. Domi says the cat has tried to jump though the sliding glass door and a couple windows.

Ok, Chris is out of the shower and it is my turn to soak and then veg out for a few hours. We are going to try the indoor pool tonight and I can test out one of my new bathing suits. I think we will try the restaurant here for dinner and I am sure Chris will be watching the baseball game on his phone or tablet while we are eating. Time to relax in hot water and maybe my shoulders will stop hurting. Laters.
 

GolferGirl

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No golf today. Chris is trying to find us tee times anywhere like Pebble Beach or the Olympic but the only places we can get tee times are around here and they are all late afternoon. I like golfing first thing in the morning, so he is looking for tee times around 8 in the morning and because I guess a lot of people are golfing because of whatever you cannot get good times. That is ok, Domi is hoping we can walk around Walnut Creek where all the fancy stores are at so she can find something for their wedding and honeymoon. This is happening, finally. The second week in November on Maui or Kawaii, they still have not got everything set up yet but they hope to know this week.

Yesterday, I went a lot nuts at the stores. The outlet place was kind of blah, but there are malls and I got in some power shopping. Chris found the Lego store in Pleasanton and he bought 7 different expensive Legos. He also found an anime store and bought some of those Japanese comic books and Blu Rays for Katja and Paula. We even found a toy store and Chris got some stuff for the little ones. Today, he is going to look for something for Jos and Tatianna. He found cigars for Thierry. He loves those big cigars that are like a foot long and smell like sweaty socks. I think he will find something for Jill and Mikki. Oh cool, he asked if we wanted to make a road trip to the Olive Pit up by Redding. I might be excited. I love that place, the garlic stuffed oives are the best. Maybe we can go all the way up to Burney Falls and go to that roadside restaurant that has the best milkshakes in the world. They give you a straw and a spoon when you order one. Plus their burgers are super good. That is a long drive like 5 hours but we can get a hotel room in Redding maybe. Ok, no golf today and tomorrow looks bad, it might be Saturday before we get a tee time, so we are going to the Olive Pit tomorrow morning. Domi is coming with us and I bet the Boy will take a sick day because he does not want to be left out. I wonder what Domi does when they go on long trips with the animals?
 

claude osteen

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No golf today. Chris is trying to find us tee times anywhere like Pebble Beach or the Olympic but the only places we can get tee times are around here and they are all late afternoon. I like golfing first thing in the morning, so he is looking for tee times around 8 in the morning and because I guess a lot of people are golfing because of whatever you cannot get good times. That is ok, Domi is hoping we can walk around Walnut Creek where all the fancy stores are at so she can find something for their wedding and honeymoon. This is happening, finally. The second week in November on Maui or Kawaii, they still have not got everything set up yet but they hope to know this week.

Yesterday, I went a lot nuts at the stores. The outlet place was kind of blah, but there are malls and I got in some power shopping. Chris found the Lego store in Pleasanton and he bought 7 different expensive Legos. He also found an anime store and bought some of those Japanese comic books and Blu Rays for Katja and Paula. We even found a toy store and Chris got some stuff for the little ones. Today, he is going to look for something for Jos and Tatianna. He found cigars for Thierry. He loves those big cigars that are like a foot long and smell like sweaty socks. I think he will find something for Jill and Mikki. Oh cool, he asked if we wanted to make a road trip to the Olive Pit up by Redding. I might be excited. I love that place, the garlic stuffed oives are the best. Maybe we can go all the way up to Burney Falls and go to that roadside restaurant that has the best milkshakes in the world. They give you a straw and a spoon when you order one. Plus their burgers are super good. That is a long drive like 5 hours but we can get a hotel room in Redding maybe. Ok, no golf today and tomorrow looks bad, it might be Saturday before we get a tee time, so we are going to the Olive Pit tomorrow morning. Domi is coming with us and I bet the Boy will take a sick day because he does not want to be left out. I wonder what Domi does when they go on long trips with the animals?
Olive Pit is in my hood, live 20 minutes away. Have fun
 

GolferGirl

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Hi, fun weekend. We visited the Olive Pit but were not happy the restaurant was closed. Still, the store was open and we went nuts. Got a bunch of olives and stuff sent home. I think when we get back home they should be coming to the door. I had to have 2 bottles of garlic and almond stuffed olives. We ended up going to Burney Falls and it was kind of cold there but the falls are so beautiful. We stopped at that roadside cafe called The Alpine and it was still so good. Driving back to Redding was fun, that road is too windy for me. It was at night and sometimes people do not stay in their lanes so good.

We got in 18 holes this morning but it was not as warm as last week. I did pretty good, I carded a 80 and Chris had a 85. We are just sitting around warming up and eating our lunch. We picked up some In and Out burgers on the way here and they are still really good. I do not know what we are doing tonight. If it was like last night, it was being on the phone with the girls telling us the dogs are being pains because we are gone. We will be back in a week, so they will be fine. Oh cool, Chris found a barbecue place in Pleasant Hill and we are getting ribs and stuff tonight. Ok, going to take a hot bath and soak my shoulder a little. Laters
 

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Good morning. Got woke up at 5:30 by Katja. She had turned on the alarm to the house and she messed up and the police came and she then remembered she left her bag and briefcase in the house and she had to have Jos come back home to identify her. She was all crying and stuff because they were going to arrest her for trying to break in. Chris talked to them but they needed to see some kind of id so we waited on the phone for Jos to get back from her breakfast meeting at the bank. Jos was not happy. It made me laugh because Katja kept on saying do not tell Papa or he will be mad. I told him as soon as I got the call, so that might have been why she was cryng too. This is why we are scared to let Katja move out because I can see her being like that girl in that Steve Martin movie who locks herself out only wearing a towel.

We are waiting for our breakfast now because both of us wanted to get in a morning swim in the pool and try to get a tee time before it rains or something. It is really cloudy here and the weather moron on channel 2 is kind of an idiot. If we cannot golf, we might drive to Napa and see if we can have fun over there. Oh cool, our laundry is back. We sent it down last night and it is all folded and ready for us to dirty it up again. Ok, time to eat, I am having a linguica omelet and Chris is having huge bowl of fruit. I should have gotten the fruit. Oh, first he has to read his Japanese comic book about the guy who rents his girlfriend. I will not lie, it is some fun soap opera about which one will say they love the other one first. Eating and reading Chris's laptop. Laters.
 

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Herself is too tired today to type. She was frisky enough for eighteen holes but yesterday's jaunt through Napa wore her out. We thought about trying the French Laundry but not at those prices. Ended up eating, al fresco, at a Mexican place which was not awful but also spendy as hell. I would tell you her score but then the rest of us golfers would be pissed. Lets just say she was in the lower end of the seventies. I did my usual 84 - 86 and figure I should be happy with that because I am obviously incapable of stringing together too many pars. I think I nailed a squirrel when one of my tee shots ended up in the woods. Dumb place to put trees, right behind the green. It was a par 3 and not very long and I hit a rocket that cleared the green on the fly and probably removed some bark and, maybe, one squirrel. Damned furry rat deserved it, in my estimation.

Hating what passes as television here in the lower 48. Good God, the local news around here is basically a paid political ad for anyone with a D next to their names. Okay, enough of that. I am no longer going to bitch about the CBC being a toady of the Liberal Party/Bloc Quebecois. At least their axes are only bloody from those within their ranks of late. God love Justin Trudeau, the man is a walking, talking example of the stupidity of wokeness and each time he opens his tofu hole he embarrasses our whole country. That was a paid political announcement from A. Christian Torgrimsson. Bill me at the St. Thomas address.

Herself says hi as she groans like someone who is twenty years older. She wants me to feed her lunch because her eyebrows are sore. I think I will terrorize her for the next couple hours. By then, she should have plenty of energy to accompany me to the kids' house for some Chinese food. They have a few good Chinese places in their prefix and we can discuss, somewhat loudly, Dr. Seuss and Pepe LePew. With that, Chris has left the building.
 

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Well, here we are! Approaching one month since the horrible deep freeze hit Texas, and everything is greening up. Got my first real taste of yard work at the new house yesterday and I feel it this morning, but not too much. Since the record setting cold, the weather has settled into normalcy. Highs have been mostly in the 70's, with enough lows in the 60's to bring the St. Augustine grass out of dormancy. Hello, Spring. Finally.

Speaking of which, does ANYBODY really like the bi-annual time change? It makes you admire the lawmakers in Arizona and a few other places, who thumb their nose at this inane practice.
 

GolferGirl

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Hi, me and Chris got home like 2 days ago but we were totally burnt. We surprised the girls because all of them thought we would be home on Sunday, but we showed up on Saturday. This is the last time we are going to travel anywhere until these idiots get over this plague thing. Too much bs at both airports to go somewhere. We are just going to wait until we get our shots and then go places. Leaving California was a bunch of shit and then landing here was even worse. At least we got to golf and see our son and Domi. That is all for now, I think I am jet lagged and my back and shoulders are sore from the flight and strange bed at the hotel.
 

GolferGirl

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Feeling less wonky now. I wish I could multi task like Chris. He is paying bills, listening to a baseball game and watching a Japanese cartoon while keeping an eye on dinner. He has his tablet and two laptops open on the counter. I cannot even watch tv and have a conversation at the same time. He is also not as wonky as me. He was out doing the shopping earlier and I could not even get out of my jams until after lunchtime. It does not help that it is cold as hell outside and I cannot seem to get warm. I am sitting by the fireplace and my feet and hands are like ice. I probably should have put on socks instead of wearing furry boots today. Dinner smells good, Chris is making orange chicken and rice for dinner. He said he was going to try to make egg rolls but he has not started them yet.

Have to tell you our girls did not do a good job keeping the house clean. When we get home, Katja is washing dishes and it was like around 4 and all of them are still in their jams and the stove is dirty and there is laundry stacked up. Chris gave them a hard look and told them to get themselves cleaned up and he would start the laundry and clean the kitchen. He was not happy. The bad part is that Chris had the kitchen clean, dishes washed and floor mopped with dinner in the oven before any of the girls were cleaned up and dressed. After dinner, he gave them a speech about how adults handle things like chores and stuff. He was kind of mean and he even got a quiet sob and sorry from Jos. Chris keeps a clean house and expects everyone else to. I know because I have got the speech too. He can get mean with that speech. The first time was when we were just married and I was overwhelmed by the stuff that I had to do that my mom did when I was living at home. I mean I was so torn up I asked Chris if he hated me and he was all sorry then. I got ok at it but I think he got tired of my cooking because I was only good at like 4 or 5 dishes and all of them came out of a box or a jar. I was lucky he was ok with Hamburger Helper and Spagetti.

Dogs were fired up. The Fed Ex guy was here and the dogs wanted to be petted and hope someone has a treat for them. They are happy we are home. They needed to be brushed and I had to brush their teeth. They did not miss a meal. I think Violet got chubbier or her winter coat is coming back. Ok, he is starting the egg rolls. Smells like he made extra chicken for them. Nice, he brought me a blanket and asked me if I wanted spicy or sweet sauce for the egg rolls and I said sweet. It will still have some chili peppers in the sauce. Ok, back to watching Maine Cabin Masters on Discovery Plus. Chris has me so hooked on that show. At least it is not scary like the ghost stuff he watches or those things on youtube he listens too. The whole time we were in California he was listening to them at night and they gave me nightmares. I wish I knew how he can love that scary shit. Well, there goes the end of my sitting by the fire, I gotta set the table, so laters.
 

GolferGirl

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Stupid giant Idiot takes me out at 8 for donuts and tells me it is not so cold today. Lying and shame on him. It was like -8C and it felt like -100. Me, I am out there in jeans, boots and a nice jacket with a scarf and I still froze my butt off. I barely got out of the car to get my donuts and coffee and I thought I was going to turn into a ice statue. I gave him a ton of shit the whole way home and he takes the long way by Paula's house, so he can drop off some muffins there and makes me go in to say hi to the little ones, who are all toasty because their mom does not lie to them about it being cold. I just hope that the weather bimbo is right and it will get warm next week because I hate getting all dressed up in layers upon layers and I can barely put my arms down I am wearing so many sweaters, tops and stuff. Ok, enough complaining. Chris did put on a nice fire and he made me like 4 cups of tea to warm me up. He even found me a nice comfy blanket yesterday at the Bay and it has a pocket for my feet.

Girls are still tiptoeing around Chris. He grumbled at Tatianna because she did not put her dinner glass in the dishwasher and she left her Japanese lunch box out and it needed to be washed out. She took care of it once he said something, but she was really shy about asking him to make her a lunch. The part that makes me laugh is that he made her leftover orange chicken and rice and then made her some fresh cookies and a a thing of chocolate pudding which she loves. He spoils her even though he does get mad at her. Like for dessert, she is not a huge fan of coconut and Chris made a coconut cream pie, but for her he made a small pound cake and fresh whip cream. Yeah, she has nothing to worry about. Even today, he got her a cinnamon roll from Tim Horton's while everyone else got donuts.

Katja has today off because she is behind on her paperwork and said she needed a mental health day. She was funny, at lunch time she was standing in the kitchen and giving Chris a huge smile trying to give him a hint that she would like a lunch, too. Finally, he asked her if she wanted something and she nodded her head. He told her if she wants something to just ask and not dance around like she has to pee. Of course, she wanted something hard, tacos. Chris had to go out and get some ground beef at Provigo because all we have is frozen and he also had to get tortillas, avocado and red onions. It sounded good to me, so I placed an order too. He bitched the whole time but they were great tacos with the right amount of spice. We got it good here because he will bitch but he spoils us, too. Dinner is more of the same, he got enough ground beef to make more tacos tonight and he is going to make beans and cheese, too. Both me and Katja are full and she is cuddled next to me typing on her laptop and I am doing the same. We look so stupid. I think Chris is ordering more toys because he found some of those quintuplet things online and he said he had to have them. I think he may have to get a second room for his toys pretty soon. The one outside has a lot of room and I would not mind them being outside because they creep me out sometiimes with the smiling eyes and stuff. Ok, time to go, the tea is working, time to pee. Laters.
 

DodgerSSR

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Stupid giant Idiot takes me out at 8 for donuts and tells me it is not so cold today. Lying and shame on him. It was like -8C and it felt like -100. Me, I am out there in jeans, boots and a nice jacket with a scarf and I still froze my butt off. I barely got out of the car to get my donuts and coffee and I thought I was going to turn into a ice statue. I gave him a ton of shit the whole way home and he takes the long way by Paula's house, so he can drop off some muffins there and makes me go in to say hi to the little ones, who are all toasty because their mom does not lie to them about it being cold. I just hope that the weather bimbo is right and it will get warm next week because I hate getting all dressed up in layers upon layers and I can barely put my arms down I am wearing so many sweaters, tops and stuff. Ok, enough complaining. Chris did put on a nice fire and he made me like 4 cups of tea to warm me up. He even found me a nice comfy blanket yesterday at the Bay and it has a pocket for my feet.
Do I recall that you are from Brazil? I know Brazil has a diverse climate, but my brief time there in Macae and Rio did not involve cold, bone chilling weather like Montreal. I predict (and hope, for your sake) a move to a warmer climate by September. Here is a hint: Cold weather doesn't feel better as the years pass. Au Contraire!

Good shopping exists everywhere.
 

GolferGirl

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Do I recall that you are from Brazil? I know Brazil has a diverse climate, but my brief time there in Macae and Rio did not involve cold, bone chilling weather like Montreal. I predict (and hope, for your sake) a move to a warmer climate by September. Here is a hint: Cold weather doesn't feel better as the years pass. Au Contraire!

Good shopping exists everywhere.
I know I should live someplace where it is like 80 degrees all the time but I love Montreal so much. It just feels like a European city without the stuck up Europeans. The best part is the spring when the snow melts and everything is green and it stays that way all the way to like November. If we did not have Justin the Stupid, it would be perfect. Besides, there is no way Chris would move. He loves this house and we have it all set up the way we want. Plus, the girls have good jobs and Paula and the little ones are only like 15 minutes away. I wish the Boy would live here but he and Domi love California even though they complain all the time about how awful the place is with Governor Empty Head Pretty Boy. That is from Domi. Probably a good idea that the Boy lives in California, he likes to try to push Chris's buttons. It is like a guy thing I guess.

It is not as cold as the last few days and this weekend will be actually kind of warm. I am getting more and more used to temps in the 50's and 60's as being warm. Today it is supposed to get to almost 50 if my chart from C to F is right and that is skirt and sweater weather. That is what I am wearing right now because me and Chris are going out to lunch and I wanted to look cute for him. Took me almost an hour to find the right tights and my hair had a mind of its own. I do not know where we are going but we had to make a reservation. Just stood in front of the mirror and the plaid was a good choice. I just wish I was taller. These shoes might kill my feet today and even though the snow is melted, it might be a little slippery. It was this morning when me and Chris took the dogs for their walk. Ok, he is done with his call so we are out of here. Yay, lunch.
 

GolferGirl

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Hi! Warming my feet at the fire. Me and Chris went to Costco and it was kind of cold this morning. I am getting better, it was below freezing and I thought it was only kind of cold. It is supposed to get up to 42 tomorrow and all the way to 60 on Tuesday. But then we get rain, but the weather bimbo is saying we might get up to the 70's by April Fools Day. I am ready.

Today was big item shopping day. TP and anything like trash bags and laundry soap needed to be bought. I found myself a new pillow because mine is getting flat. I have 2 for me, but one is for my back when I sleep. I am always gonna have a sore back since they took out the cancer on my tailbone, so I sleep on a pillow and it helps. This is funny, Costco had cute bathing suits today. The prices were cheap and they were cute but it made me laugh because no one is swimming right now. I still bought 2 and one for Katja because I am tired of fiinding her in the hot tub in shorts and a t-shirt. You laugh, but both things are see thru and that is not what I need to see. I am sending her down here tomorrow so she can find some more and maybe get the hint. Girl is a sasquatch and that is all I got to say.

I do not know what it is but Costco hot dogs are the best and I love their lemonade. Even when it is cold, it is so good. We even found some new juices, strawberry lemonade and mango/guava. Chris grabbed like 4 of each and then loaded up on lemonade, too. The only thing we could not find was brioche loaves. We had one of those flat carts all full and that was with me holding my pillow and bathing suits in my arms along with new beach towels and a pair of sneakers for me. I am like a kid there, I see something I like and just grab it. I was trying to figure out why Chris bought tons of chicken, but now I know, he is going to make chicken sausage. Got the ham for Easter Sunday and they had the egg dye kits for an Easter Egg hunt.

Chris is already hard at work on dinner. Tonight is spicy chicken chili and cornbread. It smells so good and he found a big thing of honey so we get honey cornbread which is the best. Yay, got a snack. He made me some turkey and jack roll ups in tortillas. Yummy, chipotle mayo dipping sauce. Looks like I am going to ride the Peloton before dinner tonight.
 

GolferGirl

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Hi. Sorry I have not be around to much. The weekend was fantastic and today and tomorrow will be really warm so I am getting in my walking and trying to get some color. I better get it now because starting this weekend, snow and cold are back. I am just finishing my late lunch. I was good, cottage cheese and lots of berries. I am doing ok on the weight but too many heavy meals have made me feel kind of yucky. Chris is helping me out, tonight is broiled chicken and brown rice with veggies. Girls got all boo about dinner but at least one of them needs to cut back on the pasta and cheese. Jos was all mad because she could not zip up her skirt today and had to wear pants. She is like me, she looks at both Katja and Tatianna and they eat all day long and it does not stick anywhere, me and Jos have a slice of toast and we need to run like a mile to lose it. I am better for some reason lately. As long as I do not pig out on the cheeses, sauces and pasta, my weight is staying pretty good.

Talking about skinny people, Chris is all busy building more cabinets and shelves from Ikea. I do not know where he is going to put them but he told me he has it figured out. I just hope he does not plan on taking out a wall or something. Yesterday, he got a huge box with 16 of those Japanese action figures and I saw the receipt and I yelled at him on how he could spend over $4,000 on these things. He just said it is better than him having a mistress or a gambling jones. He is weird. The things he comes up with are so strange and sometimes really funny. Mistress? He does not have enough time to keep up on his million hobbies and baseball is going to start soon so he will have less time. Sorry, that made me laugh. I see him in front of like 3 computers watching 3 different things and ordering stuff online and then screaming at one of the screens because it like froze up or his order was lost. He was peaking over my shoulder and said kettle meet pot. I have not yelled at my laptop in like 2 days.

4 in the afternoon and the other giant is home. She is yelling at no one. I guess traffic sucked and some doctor cancelled on her at the last minute because it was a nice day and he got a tee time. How may ways can she use the f word in how many languages? I have heard her cuss in Portuguese, English and French. Now it is a game, Chris is repeating what she is saying in Swedish. Swedish cus words sound so harmless. Katja is yelling at Chris that he is not helping. He just said he did not plan on helping, he was just seeing how pissed he could get her. I think I have to stop because I am laughing so hard I might have an accident. Real adult by both of them, they are sticking their tongues out at each other and Katja tried to give Chris a purple nurple. Fail. She got one instead and she is saying that is some kind of bad thing. Now, the wedgies. Girl will never learn. Ok, time to stop them before one of them ends up getting spanked. Stupid adults acting like kids.
 

GolferGirl

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Hi. Brrrrrr, it is cold today. It is not windy, but the rain felt sleety and it might snow tonight. I hate that for the next like 7 days, it will never get above one number. Lots of 8's and 9's and that is like 48 or 49 in real numbers. The only good thing is that we got a lot of firewood and Chris really cleaned the hot tub so the water is clearer. Oh yeah, remember when I said he had a plan for all of his new Ikea shelves and cabinets? He did, he started taking out the wall to the room of one of the guest bedrooms. They are going to put in the new floor tomorrow and I guess his office gets a new hardwood floor, too. It is a nice color, kind of gray looking wood that will go well with the new paint on the walls.

I have been all kinds of good this week. Just chicken, pork and fish tonight since Tuesday. Girls are not happy, they like the pasta and stuff. Right now, I am having a thing of yougurt and fruit. Breakfast is hard. I love waffles and pancakes, but I cannot have those, so it is eggs and bacon, which is not bad. My only cheats are I get to have 2 cookies at night and Chris found a recipe for shortbread that does not have a lot of sugar. I had to think why I am eating like this and then remembered that I am going to Hawaii in November and I want to look good, so it is worth it. Today, I weighed 120 and that is my goal for Hawaii. Jos even is happy, she lost 5 pounds and says she only needs to lose another 10 or 15 pounds to fit into the fancy bathing suit she bought after XMas. I saw a one piece with flowers all over it for her, but the fancy one is as skimpy as the stuff Katja wears, so this will be interesting. She is a shy one.

The men are making all kinds of loud noises so I checked on them. Just one of the workers beating up the wall. It is now a lot of little pieces. Men are like little kids. I think if they had dynamite, they would have used it but I do not think anyone would sell them something like that. Ok, ate my yougurt and fruit, so now it is time to do some yoga and then wait for Katja to get home so I have someone to soak in the hot tub with. Laters.
 

GolferGirl

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Stupid freaking cold today. Chris got me again. He goes out early, like 6, to get me a coffee because I wanted something super sweet and he comes back and tells me it is a nice day, the sun is out. Everytime he says this, it is like winter at the North Pole outside but I am stupid and I believe him, so I get cleaned up and go outside wearing a jean jacket and knit pants. Then the little light goes on and it is below zero outside and I am trying to type in the code at the door to open it and my fingers are already frozen and my ass is getting there and he is laughing his ass off because he is wearing a parka and jeans and I did not notice. Finally after frostbite set in on my left butt cheek, he opens the damn door and then tells anyone on his phone what happened. Yeah I am pissed at myself for being so fucking gullible and him for getting in his April Fool's joke early. The worst part was that cup of tea I had before going out the door. I had to race the devil to get to the loo before I had an accident. Did not make it, if anyone wants to know. Of course the only towels in there are hand towels because it is a half bath, so I am hobbling around with my pants at my ankles and said fuck it, if the Fed Ex guy shows up, he is getting a show. I kicked Chris twice in the shin and probably broke my big toe on his bony ass shin. If you cannot tell, I am pouting and he better make me the best dinner ever or there will be no scrabble around here for a while.

Mr. Giggles is still laughing. I hope he fucking gets a boil on a painful part of his body. Every f'ing time he does this to me and it is like the funniest thing he has ever done. That is a start. He brought me a nice espresso and some biscotti he made. I am wolfing them done so I hope he did not put laxatives in them. Probably will find Preparation H in my toothpaste or vinegar in my mouthwash. I am already expecting there will be bacon grease in my shampoo or conditioner and probably ice water in my soap dispenser. There is more. I will find a rubber mouse in my boots or he will tie up the legs to my jeans in knots or hide my underwear. He has done that before. Worst feeling in the world, going commando on a day where it is below zero and I am too whatever the word is to beg him for my undies. Or, he could do what he did back in 1990 when he hid my undies and replaced them with kids' undies with little bears and shit on them. The bad part is that they fit and the worst part is that they were comfortable. I doubt that would happen this year. Ass is a lot bigger now.

Still cold and the fire is not cutting it. I honestly think I got frostbite. Geez, forth scam caller today. I am so mad at Chris and myself I feel like answering and telling who is on the other end to play with matches covered in gasoline. Ok, that is better, got as close to the fire as possible and my ass is not frozen anymore. I almost hoping it would catch fire just to make the Giant Idiot feel bad. Fed Ex guy just showed up. If he had been here like an hour ago he would have had a tale to tell the other drivers. Wow, I got like 4 boxes. Ok, that helps. He bought me stuff probably because he planned this whole thing down to me pissing myself. Ok, good joke better gifts. He got me earrings and a new bracelet and ankle bracelet, so he is off the hook. See, I am easy, give me something shiny and I will say ok to just about anything. Time to watch some Guy's Grocery Games and enjoy my coffee and cookies. Laters.
 

DodgerSSR

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Stupid freaking cold today. Chris got me again. He goes out early, like 6, to get me a coffee because I wanted something super sweet and he comes back and tells me it is a nice day, the sun is out. Everytime he says this, it is like winter at the North Pole outside but I am stupid and I believe him, so I get cleaned up and go outside wearing a jean jacket and knit pants. Then the little light goes on and it is below zero outside and I am trying to type in the code at the door to open it and my fingers are already frozen and my ass is getting there and he is laughing his ass off because he is wearing a parka and jeans and I did not notice. Finally after frostbite set in on my left butt cheek, he opens the damn door and then tells anyone on his phone what happened. Yeah I am pissed at myself for being so fucking gullible and him for getting in his April Fool's joke early. The worst part was that cup of tea I had before going out the door. I had to race the devil to get to the loo before I had an accident. Did not make it, if anyone wants to know. Of course the only towels in there are hand towels because it is a half bath, so I am hobbling around with my pants at my ankles and said fuck it, if the Fed Ex guy shows up, he is getting a show. I kicked Chris twice in the shin and probably broke my big toe on his bony ass shin. If you cannot tell, I am pouting and he better make me the best dinner ever or there will be no scrabble around here for a while.

Mr. Giggles is still laughing. I hope he fucking gets a boil on a painful part of his body. Every f'ing time he does this to me and it is like the funniest thing he has ever done. That is a start. He brought me a nice espresso and some biscotti he made. I am wolfing them done so I hope he did not put laxatives in them. Probably will find Preparation H in my toothpaste or vinegar in my mouthwash. I am already expecting there will be bacon grease in my shampoo or conditioner and probably ice water in my soap dispenser. There is more. I will find a rubber mouse in my boots or he will tie up the legs to my jeans in knots or hide my underwear. He has done that before. Worst feeling in the world, going commando on a day where it is below zero and I am too whatever the word is to beg him for my undies. Or, he could do what he did back in 1990 when he hid my undies and replaced them with kids' undies with little bears and shit on them. The bad part is that they fit and the worst part is that they were comfortable. I doubt that would happen this year. Ass is a lot bigger now.

Still cold and the fire is not cutting it. I honestly think I got frostbite. Geez, forth scam caller today. I am so mad at Chris and myself I feel like answering and telling who is on the other end to play with matches covered in gasoline. Ok, that is better, got as close to the fire as possible and my ass is not frozen anymore. I almost hoping it would catch fire just to make the Giant Idiot feel bad. Fed Ex guy just showed up. If he had been here like an hour ago he would have had a tale to tell the other drivers. Wow, I got like 4 boxes. Ok, that helps. He bought me stuff probably because he planned this whole thing down to me pissing myself. Ok, good joke better gifts. He got me earrings and a new bracelet and ankle bracelet, so he is off the hook. See, I am easy, give me something shiny and I will say ok to just about anything. Time to watch some Guy's Grocery Games and enjoy my coffee and cookies. Laters.
The European charm of Montreal can only go so far. Give me that warm March weather anytime.
 

GolferGirl

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The European charm of Montreal can only go so far. Give me that warm March weather anytime.
Today, I agree with you. It is little warmer but still freezing. I wish that the travel bs was over so I could fly to like Florida or even California again just to get some sun. My son says it is beautiful in the Bay Area and I am just waiting for the next time Chris pranks me into standing in the cold wearing a summer dress. Still, after spending 2 weeks in California and its beautiful weather, I missed home where the people are nicer and I do not have to worry about getting tetanus or something worse from the crap on the sidewalks there. The best part is that when it is warm here, you really appreicate it. And it does not have to be like 80 or 90 to be nice. When it gets to like 60, you see just about everyone in shirt sleeves and dresses. I guess you get used to being warm when it is 60 and I remember complaining about how cold 60 was when we lived in California or St. Thomas.
 

GolferGirl

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Today is better. No pranks yet. Sam came over and we did yoga for 2 hours and that got me all warmed up. We even tiptoed through the frozen outside to sit in the hot tub for like an hour. Getting out and back into the freezing air was a bad idea but we both found out we can be fast when we have to. I was expecting Chris to lock the sliding glass door but he did not. I just had this picture of the 2 of us standing outside yelling for Chris to unlock the door and we are turning blue. Sam is so proud of herself. She is doing dance classes at night and she looks fantastic. I am thinking about it because it would be fun and I might lose some of the flabbiness in my thighs and butt. Plus, Sam said they have some really cute leotards at the studio I would look great in. That is important too. Gotta look good while sweating your fat off. I asked Chris if he would mind driving me to the studio 2 nights a week and he said he would love to. Now, I am worried. I thought he might argue or something but he said yes really quick, so I am hoping he is not planning on forgetting about me or letting me stand in the rain.

His room thing is almost halfway done. They put up some wood stuff for the new wall and moved everything out into the hallway and garage. They were working on the electrical stuff earlier and I have not seen any lights go down, so no one has got shocked yet. When they took down the wall they had to put up some metal thing to hold the second floor up and that took a lot ot time. Then they covered it with wood to make it look all artsy or something. Chris said they hope to move everything back in this weekend so that Katja can park her car in the garage. Oh, Katja is all grumpy. She had a bad day yesterday. She was visiting an office in St. Albans in Vermont and she stepped on some ice and landed on her butt and she has a huge black and blue mark on her talibone. This morning, she said she could barely sit and walking was a bad idea, but she was booked solid today and would have to tough it out. She called like an hour ago and let me know she bought a heating pad for her seat and might have to call it a day sooner than she wanted because she says she might need to get an x-ray on her tailbone to make sure she did not break anything. The bad part is that she is like 90 minutes away from Montreal and she needs to see her doctor so she can get an x-ray.

Wow, I just saw how late it is and nothing is cooking. It is Tuesday and we have Taco Tuesday up here, but most of the Mexican food is not very good here, so either Chris makes it quick or we get something from one of those food delivery things. I just checked the fridge and it looks like Chris is making dinner. He has ground beef and chicken ready and all the stuff for tacos. I should never doubt him when it comes to food. Ok, time for me to stop. The dogs want to play fetch and Violet keeps on dropping her chewed up nerf ball at my feet. Oh, that was nice. Chris just reminded me we are going to the movies tonight. He got 2 tickets to see the movie our Corgi is named after and I know this show. I better bring a box of tissues because the tv show was a tearjerker and I bet the movie will be too. Ok, laters.
 

GolferGirl

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Happy Easter Sunday! How is everyone? I am taking a break from all the noise and stuff going on today. We have a housefull of people. Paula and Thierry brought over the little ones to hunt eggs after Mass. Sam and her family are here too. Fuck Justin the Stupid, we are having a party. Chris is busy cooking and he has two helpers with Paula and Katja making all kinds of goodies. It has been a fun week. Chris has been so busy with his new office thing that he barely even watched any baseball. I think he watched the game last night but he was mostly making up eggs for the little ones and stuff for today's brunch. It was so good. Eggs Benedict and banana nut waffles. No one starved today and the little ones looked so cute in their best Easter day outfits. Bayley has her bunny ears on, Chris found them at the anime store and they are huge. One is flopped over. They also loved their Easter baskets. I think we might have went too big on them. Me and Chris tried to keep it healthy but chocolate bunnies are important and jelly beans are needed too.

I had my first dance class and I was all sore the day after. But, I loved it. I am not a great dancer on my own. I got like 2 left feet. If Chris is with me, I am better because I just keep up with him but on my own I fall down a lot. It is called jazz dancing and Sam makes me look so bad because she did ballet and stuff when she was a kid and I just played soccer. Oh yeah, the tights and leotards were so cute, I bought too many but they looked so good and Sam said I looked like a dancer but then she started laughing because that is when I fell over stretching on that bar thing. But, when I got home, Chris took like a million pictures and said they are going into the spank bank. Ewww.

So, we went and saw that movie on Tuesday night and I cried like a baby about halfway through and did not stop. I hated having to read the English at the bottom of the screen but it did not change it is a really sad movie and also kind of a happy movie. Even Chris sniffled a lot. But, it was fun to have movie popcorn and it is kind of nice that you do not have to sit next to strangers. I can get into movies like this if this seat thing stays. Ok, I am being yelled for. The kids say that Tatianna is cheating on the game they are playing and I have to put her in time out. Oh wow, Paula made cinnamon rolls because dinner is till like 5 hours away. Ham and roasted chickens and real homemade creamed corn. I just caught Chris cutting corn off of the cob things and Katja is peeling a ton of potatoes. Chris told her she needs to tie up her hair because no one wants to find a 5 foot long platinum blond hair in their mashed potatoes. Time for me to play Hungry Hippos with the kiddos. Laters.